I hope you are having a wonderful week. This is a longer post this week than I intended but some really good content, keep reading below :).
In the past week I started reading The Gift’s Of Imperfection by Brene Brown again. This book for me is like a thumb sucking session is to a little baby… something I could do without but SO comforting and a good reality check for me when I am having a “I am Not Good Enough attack” on or off my yoga mat.
I am going to make a confession: I fell down the I am Not Good Enough hole this past week, which maybe you can relate to, and it took some pretty powerful self talk to get myself out of.
I will share more in a moment and some of the tools that I used to move out of it, but first I want to share an excerpt from the book that I think is relevant to the topic for this week.
Brene Brown shares in the book that “when we struggle to believe in our worthiness,we hustle for it. The hustle for our worthiness has its own soundtrack… it’s the cacophony of shame tapes and gremlins- those messages that fuel ‘never good enough’.”
Some of the favorite tracks on the never good enough soundtrack are:
- “What will people think?”
- You can’t really love yourself yet. You’re not ________ enough.” (pretty, skinny, successful, rich, talented, happy, smart, feminine, masculine, productive, nice, strong, tough, caring, popular, creative, well-liked, admired, contributing)
- “No one can find out about __________.”
- “I’m going to pretend everything is okay.”
- “I can change to fit in if I have to!”
- “Who do you think you are to put your thoughts/art/ideas/beliefs/writing out in the world?”
- “Taking care of them is more important than taking care of me.”
Wowsers I don’t know about you but I can relate to every “never good enough soundtrack” above.
This past week for me it was the “who do you think you are to put your thoughts/art/ideas/beliefs/writing out in the world” tape that came up for me.
Disclaimer: I share the story below not so you will feel sorry for me but to share a vulnerable moment in hopes of inspiring you :).
Over the past year as many of you know I have been consistently hosting a monthly Yoga’licious Girl’s Night Out with about 20-30 peeps in attendance.
Last Thursday, 2 days before the event I had 3 women signed up. Instead of looking at it as, “WOW 3 women I get to serve!,” I instantly engaged in the conversation that something must be wrong with me, no one likes me, and I have run out on luck. All I could see was lack and then to make matters worse I was judging myself for even having those judgmental thoughts in the first place… basically I was judging the judger (not a pretty picture).
When I woke up Friday morning, the day before the event, I realized I had two options…
I could stay in the story, cancel the event, and feel sorry for myself, or I could come back to remembering the deep fire and passion inside of me to guide women (and a few men :)) into a more loving and empowering conversation with their bodies on and off the mat.
Whether there was 3 people or 40 people there on Saturday in that moment I re-committed to something bigger than myself and my Yoga’licious message.
While the number doesn’t really matter, there ended up being 7 AMAZING women there on Saturday night. It was an incredible evening of vulnerability, such raw honesty and courage, Yoga’licious Asana Shakin, lots of laughter, and good conversation around the “dinner table (our yoga mats:))”.
It’s funny as I sit here thinking about what the biggest learning is, and what my take away for you is, it happens to be something I teach to clients all the time… it’s all about your perception.
Something I learned so much this week and have continued to learn is that if you are looking at the world through the I am Not Good Enough sunglasses, it’s definitely not as fun or freeing of an experience.
CLICK HERE to check out my few favorite ways to get out of a I am Not Good Enough hangover…
And stay tuned for the month of March where I will be sharing lots of yummy content along with a first ever very SPECIAL announcement for a new program I am starting at the end of March!
Now go rock your “I am Enough Self” this week… Nuff said!
Tips on How to Move Out of the I Am Not Good Enough cyclone:
1. Give Lavishly to Yourself: One of the biggest things that I have noticed about the I am Not Good Enough soundtrack is that it feeds on being tired, hungry, and worn out. So on your first noticing that you are getting pulled into an obsessive cyclone of I am not good enough, check in with where you can take exceptional care of yourself. Whether that is taking a nap, going for a walk, dancing in your living room, or drinking a green smoothie this first step is key to thinking more clearly :).
2. Give it a Voice: Often times I have noticed that when the I am not good enough soundtrack starts playing I tend to avoid it and push it away. What I have noticed with this is that it only makes it that much louder! Something
I learned in NYC with my coach is giving the shame tape or disappointment a voice and time to be expressed can lessen it’s power over you. You can walk around your room and say the negative belief out loud or even write it in a journal. The getting it out piece (whether through spoken word or writing) actually diminishes it’s power. Negative beliefs love silence and secrecy. Now I wouldn’t suggest bathing in it and getting sucked down by it but some healthy expression of it can go a long way.
3. The turn around: This is the fun part. This is where you get to turn around your negative belief and choose a new empowering belief. What we focus our attention on we get more of… so this switcharoo, as my coach would call it, is really powerful and I believe a key step into moving out of the I am Not Good Enough hangover into the I am Enough self talk. Write out your new belief, or say it out loud… you’d be surprised how powerful it is :).
4. Reach out for support: This one I think is key and why I think it is so important to have mentors, friends, and coaches in our lives that can hear our story and help us get back to reality. My suggestion on this one
is that you pick someone to reach out to that can lovingly hold the space for you and not “fix you.” While a lot of our friends and family mean well sometimes sharing a vulnerable moment with someone can instantly get them into fixing mode. Choose someone who you know can just listen and offer you relatability.
5. There is Nothing Wrong With YOU: In my opinion this is the most important one. Know you are human and sometime in your life time, even if you have the best self esteem, you might fall into a I am not good enough trap. Let yourself off the hook and know there is nothing wrong with you. What I have learned from my own experience with this is that when you can see it from this mindset, the journey back into I am Enough Land is a lot easier.