We all have a Hunger
Hello beautiful,
I’m obsessed with the new Florence and The Machine Album, and I played it on repeat so many times when I was in Hawaii a few weeks ago. There is one song in particular that really speaks to me; it’s the opening song on the album, called “Hunger.”
When I first heard it, tears streamed down my face. The lyrics stopped me in my tracks:
At seventeen, I started to starve myself. I thought that love was a kind of emptiness. And at least I understood then the hunger I felt…and I didn’t have to call it loneliness.
We all have a hunger.
We all have a hunger.
We all have a hunger.
We all have a hunger.
Florence was telling my story. You see, at 12 years old, I began starving myself. Literally. And I continued starving myself off and on for 6 years until finally, at age 18, I checked myself into the eating disorder unit at UCLA medical hospital. I knew I needed support. I knew that if I kept on trying to make myself smaller, I was going to disappear.
Checking into the hospital that day was just the beginning of my healing journey, and it’s a journey I’m still on today. The more time that passes, the more clarity and understanding I have around all those years when I was starving.
My deepened realization is that what I was really hungry for—starving for—was love.
I’m not talking about surface-level love. I’m talking about deep connection and the ability to feel fully, to express unbridled passion, and to be at home in my own skin without any reservations about who I am or what I’m worth. I’m talking about the kind of self-love that can’t come from anything other than a deep knowing that I matter. That my wants and my needs matter. And that I am part of something much bigger than myself. I’m talking about humanity.
As a teenager, I thought that by starving myself I could somehow fill this hunger that I felt. Make it go away. I believed that if I won enough validation and approval from the outside world–using my body as a tool to get it–I would feel fulfilled.
Now I understand that the point isn’t to extinguish our hunger or make it smaller, it’s to honor it. To allow ourselves to pay attention to that hunger–your longing, your desire, your deepest yearnings–this is your birthright.
In a world that teaches us to squash our hunger, it’s a radical act to feed yourself.
Even if you’ve never experienced disordered eating, I am guessing there’s a hunger that lives inside you. A hunger for whatever it is that brings you home to center, lights you up, and makes you feel fucking alive. I am not just talking about food–I’m speaking to that deep, existential ache in your belly, the one that demands: “Feed me.”
What is it you’re really hungry for? Even if you don’t have words, I invite you to tune in and trust the feeling. Allow yourself to be to be present. Give yourself permission to let that hunger burn until it moves you. Ground into the truth that feeling and feeding your hunger is a radical act of becoming.
Don’t stop there.
Imagine, what would it be like to move beyond feeling and feeding your hunger into truly celebrating it? Your hunger is what makes you so beautifully, gloriously human. Your hunger for life, for freedom, for connection. Your hunger to be yourself, fully and unabashedly expressed in the world.
The more of us that stand up and say, “no more,” when it comes to squashing, refusing, and denying our hunger and our humanity, the more new structures, communities and movements will be borne from this new space of freedom.
I’d love to hear what’s coming up for you. I’m hungering to receive you in my inbox and to hear what’s alive as you trust yourself to tune in…
With love,
P.S. If you’d like to know more about my journey with disordered eating and deep healing, I invite you to listen to a gorgeous interview I did with my friend Tyla a few months ago on her podcast A Year Ago Today…
The experience of recording the podcast was opening for me, and I share parts about my journey that I haven’t really shared publicly until now. If your interest is piqued, I know you’ll receive a lot of value from listening. Click here to tune in.
P.P.S. Here is the video of the song in case you want to hear it:https://www.youtube.com/watch?
P.P.P.S. If this article resonates for you and there is a hunger inside you’re ready to give attention to and feed, then stay tuned as I will be sharing soon with you about my newest incarnation of my 6 month group program… a program centered around feeding that hunger within, coming home to your most authentic self, expressing yourself fully, and lining up with your natural rhythms and desires. If you know you want to make sure you hear about it, click here to be putting on a waiting list, and I’ll personally reach out to you!
